I feel better now.

I still have jaw ache when I eat but I feel much better now. I had a bath when I got back this evening, got changed for bed, had food and then fell asleep with one of those cold migraine patches on my forehead. I felt so comfortable. I would have been there all night if I hadn’t woken up needing the toilet. I did go for a walk on the way home today. I didn’t feel well but the weather was too nice to go straight home to sleep. I need the sun. Apart from where I get heat rashes I’m too pale at the moment. I will probably get burnt but at least I won’t look like a ghost. I know lots of women who use fake tan but it never goes right on me. It also gets all over sheets and ruins stuff. I always feel rather pale in the summer when others seem to be at least a little red. I don’t really burnt that often. It takes days for my skin to turn any shade but pale white. Sun damage is also aging which I don’t want knowing that I am starting to look older at this point. It is apparently going to be hot this weekend so I’m hoping my migraine doesn’t come back otherwise the heat is going to make it hurt more. I’m certainly not going to be walking anywhere until early evening when it’s not the hottest part of the day. If I get too much sun on my head (it doesn’t help having extremely thick hair) then that will give me another headache. I don’t wear hats because with my hair underneath being very thick I end up still overheating. I can’t wear my hair down when it’s hot either because my neck and shoulders get way too hot due to how dense my hair is. I don’t want to cut it because I’m growing it long. It’s nice in the winter because it’s like having my own hat made out of hair. The purple I put in there has already washed out. I only wash my hair and put a mask on it once a week because it dries out. It just doesn’t seem to want to stay coloured. I try not to put colour through too much otherwise it will cause dryness which splits the ends that leads to no progress in growth. It’s wash in, wash out so probably easily sweats out too. I am also trying to get the parts that snapped off to not be too dry and start growing properly again. I’m eating more now. I’m still trying to lose weight but I went too low on calories which can cause hair loss. I also need enough calories to build muscle so that I look toned and lose body fat. That requires a careful balance of calories and the process is quite psychologically tough because you can accidentally gain weight if you miscalculate maintenance calories. I’m normally quite precise but occasionally I end up gaining 2lbs rather than losing it. That is fine if the general trend is down in either body fat or scale weight. Hormone levels make it more challenging sometimes. I lose more if I don’t get stressed over it. It’s important just to do a routine and focus on how you want to look long term rather than short term. There is certain parts of my body that is wider since having my son. I have to accept that I won’t ever have the measurements I had in my twenties before I had a child. I slimmed right down before I got pregnant after being on a lot of psychiatric medication in my early twenties. I don’t like my hips, they are absolutely awful. They are just larger and have more fat on them. I walk a lot, I build the muscle to try to encourage it to burn off. I’m sure bits of them are shrinking but I can’t see it yet.