I’m not actually the retard I was labelled as…

I would just like to start this entry by saying I don’t like being splashed with droplets of water from a car window earlier when I was walking to the supermarket to get a few bits before gym session. I’m fearful of potentially getting acid thrown in my face. It was only water but it scared me until it became obvious it was water. Then I saw some dumb older kids who should know better chucking bits of brick and stones over the road next to the gym at each other. There is so much wrong with that behaviour but I’m not going into it today. If that went through a car window and hit someone it could not just knock them out it might kill them.

Anyway, I would like to point out all the reasons I am not a retard that the psychological assessment portrayed which was done on me while pregnant a decade ago. I am in the silver league of who wants to be a millionaire quizzing app. I’m not dumb. I remember every detail and my head is like a filing cabinet. The only thing that I am is slightly naive but I’m not as naive as I used to be after being burnt that many times over the years. I don’t have a manipulative part of me even if at one point I may have done to survive. I expect people to be kind like I am but that isn’t the world we live in. I taught myself all the things that I missed at school. I didn’t have to go back to get my qualifications as an adult because I get enough in benefits for sickness to just about live. I chose to go back because I wanted to be part of the world. I’m not sure that I want to be part of it now after all the crap that got thrown my way. I have a brain. I’m not stupid. I’m also intuitive so even if I can’t see something I definitely feel it. I was always different but others see different as dangerous and undesirable. I’m technically the only one in my family with the blood mixture that is different from the rest of my relatives. I’m the only child of my parents. I have siblings but they had a different dad and we aren’t close. I don’t think they even wanted me to be born. I do look like relatives but not completely so even then I feel like I am a stand-alone fixture.

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