I never hold out hope in my life now.

I did my walk. I’m finally back home where I got straight in the bath and into pj’s. I’m off to have a sleep for a few hours. I need it. I felt like I was walking in a haze. It’s nice weather out there. There’s going to be a heatwave this bank holiday (weekend coming). I love the sun but probably will get burnt again. I need the sun because I’ve got to the point where I’m translucent type pale. I may look worse today due to being tired and my iron would have got lower because my monthly has just been on. The pollen must be high today because my nose has been streaming since I woke up this morning. People keep telling me not to get my hopes up that others will talk to me again or that I will reconnect with my son. I’m not… the hopes I have are not that high but they remain in the background for the future if things happen. I had constant bad circumstances in my life. I’m very against having solid plans because they’ve never materialised, when they did happen it was short lived. That may be my karma for this lifetime… who knows. I may be meant to be alone in this lifetime to do certain things which wouldn’t be if I had children etc. I’m one of the intuitive ones … I am basically duty bound to accept my own karmic path. It doesn’t mean I have to like every single moment of it. If I earned the karma from my earlier life and a previous one then the law of attraction etc says I have to live out the karma. There’s no way around it. Lesson’s also have to be learned before life gives you stuff or people. I know that I have to learn to be more chilled and not so sensitive when it comes to other people but it’s the hardest one for me. I’m getting there but if I’m still upset then I’m still not completely there yet.