Still awake at a stupid hour.

I went through my email accounts deleting stuff I didn’t need that had built up. It took me longer than needed because my laptop is getting older so has ended up going so slow. I’m tired because I’ve kept busy since I got up. I actually can feel the muscles in the top of my arms now. They have gone firm. I still have a body fat percentage where they don’t stand out yet but I can see them when I flex. I posted a video on social media earlier. I didn’t go out at all today. I did make sure that I got my car back into the car park before it started getting full again. I probably won’t get a space when I take my car out next time, it’s been like that for the last week. I managed to get a space the whole two weeks before that. This is a very rare occurrence though. I needed the rest and had to get stuff done around here. I was also waiting for a parcel to come this afternoon. I still feel rather sad about someone else who is never going to speak to me again. I can’t help it. I hate rejection but it’s also hurtful. I don’t want to hold on to hope that will never be there. If they cared about how it was affecting me then they would talk to me. I got that inferiority complex from being treated the same way as they’re treating me now. I don’t feel like I matter. I would give others the world but most of the time they give me absolutely nothing back. I just am nothing to others. School days defined who I permanently became. The role that means I will only be used and never truly loved or respected.

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