I would appreciate some understanding.

I do make mistakes socially because of having autism. Trauma makes me see stuff differently which doesn’t help. I have literally learned to be mean to everyone that I like because of how I was bought up. I’m also accidentally mean when my anxiety starts getting into my thoughts. I’m not making excuses. This is how my brain works. It’s not a choice. I can’t be nice all the time. I can never come off my antidepressants again because anxiety builds up and I end up picking fights with everyone. I just want a chance now that I’ve started mentally calming down a bit. If I blow it again I won’t ask for any more. I was only reacting to what I thought I was perceiving… I got it wrong. I’m not an awful person. I struggle with functioning more than I ever let on. I keep that to myself. I had to do that to get off that 117 mental health clause. I just need other peoples support not hate. I’m not prepared to fully discuss my life or what happens behind closed doors. I just need that understanding. I don’t have a brain that works normally… I will never have that. I was angry for many reasons and some people have been at the receiving end of some rather harsh words because of that. I’m not making excuses. I honest straight up saying how it is. I don’t want to appear vulnerable because if I do that it’s a magnet for bullies. I learned that at school. I put on a tough front whether I actually feel like that in reality or not.

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