I made it through the second day without going for a nap. I’m in the bath and looking forward to my dinner. I’m extremely tired and hungry. I have to be up early again tomorrow so I will have to be in bed by midnight. You know what hurts the most about stuff that has happened recently with other people? It’s like they just don’t care. That is probably true but it still hurts. I’m just not lovable when I relax and be myself with those I like. That makes me feel like I’m some kind of person that others just don’t like… when I show me anyway. The ones I mask in front of who aren’t aware I am on the spectrum seem to accept me. I can’t live like that. It’s stressful to mask, I end up ill. Then there is the fact that I want to have a life that isn’t this… no one is going to give me those opportunities because of how people treat autistic people. Others either talk to me like a child or treat me unfavourably because of it. I want money and status… I know this sounds so shallow but I feel like after what has happened in my life I deserve something big coming to me as an opportunity or at least a shared opportunity where I get a substantial cut in profits and various lifestyle perks if others don’t think I can do it solo.