I have no desire to be awake today.

I have to get up to do stuff but I’m very tired. I’m also cold which doesn’t help wanting to get out of bed. I’m done with fighting the world to be respected. I’ve had enough. I just want peace even if my head makes that hard. I don’t want to keep not being able to sleep at night. I can’t tell others straight that I hate being treated this way and demand they change… although I want to do that. They obviously don’t care how they make me suffer by cutting me off and leaving it. I honestly don’t know what else I can do but apologise for my bitchy streak. I used that to survive and keep a wall up that others can’t cross. I’m not such a bitch if I let people beyond that wall but I can’t trust people so I don’t. I feel that asking to be treated decently is an unreasonable request. I get used to not being important to anyone unless they want something off of me and then I get discarded. I’m a person with feelings and people tend to forget that. I’m only ever a bitch if someone acts crap toward me first. Then they use my behaviour as an excuse to walk away. I apologise for my part but I never get an apology. I can’t retract an apology but I wish I’d never apologised because I just was treated like shit to illustrate enough that they have no respect for me as a person. Some people just look at your life circumstances and treat you like something they trod in. I have suffered enough at the hands of others. I want some respect at the very least. I shouldn’t have to demand an apology but it would be a positive direction to showing respect.