Sleep pattern slightly better.

I got to sleep fairly quickly last night. I couldn’t stay awake. I literally had to drag myself to put the sheets and bedding covers on. It was so painful to keep myself awake. I woke up 5 times to pee. Luckily I was that tired I fell straight back to sleep between each trip. Broken sleep is not what I want either. I also messed up my hair. I put leave in conditioner through it last night. I had to comb out the tangles when I checked it this morning. I had my hair in a bun while sleeping. It was a right mess when I took it out. I tried not to damage it but the tangles were so bad. I combed it through and then put it back in a low bun. I’m hoping that it settles down after it’s been washed a few days. It’s always wild when I first wash it. I have never had this much issue with tangling … that is a new thing. I brush it well so it’s not because it gets left matted or anything. It can’t get tangled while asleep twisted back into a bun. Somehow it still did during the night but that was the top shorter layers that can’t get into a bun. I never had any female friends etc to help me learn to do my hair. Even those I’ve known briefly never had the same hair type as me, mine was always too thick and dense for certain styles others wore their hair in. I’m not really a make up type either. I really don’t feel like me with my eyebrows dyed. It’s too dark. It looks black not brown. I can’t do much with my eyelashes because they’re still falling out a bit. I can’t regrow that part which fell out. I have a dent in them. I don’t feel pretty anymore because of that issue. The fact that my hair snapped around the edges of my forehead and at the back also hasn’t helped that either. I never used to have these problems. I seem to be aging rapidly all of a sudden. I’m obviously changing internally from the body I had as a twenty something. I must admit I did push my body to its limited with painkiller addiction for over a decade. It will come back to bite eventually. I only realise now how long I wasted my life in addiction. They can permanently mess with your brain functioning too. I am forgetful but I think I was before I got hooked on painkillers so that probably isn’t damage. I get tired easily even when I’ve slept (which isn’t much at the moment). I would go for trying to move off benefits to working if I was sure that I would have the energy to sustain a job and life around it. I don’t want to make the transition and then end up burnt out again having to go back on benefits. It’s harder once you have worked to reclaim them because they think you’re capable of working. I’m not mentally quite ready yet. I’m better than I was but it takes time.

%d bloggers like this: