Late night thoughts… a few things today.

I’m so happy to get in the bath to thaw out. It is quite cold outside. I just spent 2 and a half hours walking into that. I needed to get some fresh air… it was a little too fresh. I haven’t eaten today. I don’t know if it’s impressive that I didn’t feel hungry while doing 22,000 ish steps or showing how super fit I have got recently. I had a few cold drinks so they stopped any hunger. Cold drinks in the cold probably made me feel more colder though. I would just like to say something after there has been two people threatening to jump off railway bridges locally in the last week. I am straight talking. I’m going to put this as gentle as I can possibly make it for those mentally struggling at the moment. I know it’s so hard. I have been in that dark space where I have just wanted life to end. We don’t really want our lives to come to an end. The pain of whatever is happening in our life is just too much and we have no other way of switching it off. I can’t promise that things will ever improve. I can only relay my message to others after my personal experiences. I thought that I was never going to feel even slight happiness again after my son was adopted. I hated myself for the last decade. I still sometimes hate myself due to those circumstances which happened 10 years ago. Those feelings won’t probably ever go away forever but they do become less intrusive as time passes. You will always have your moments and times when you slide downhill but once you find what works in your life they will barely happen at all. The help available isn’t great. It didn’t work for me and many others. We found our own way out of a constant struggle and mental darkness. I had people say this to me when I was in a bad place. I wasn’t able to see it at the time. Life changes, you meet others that change your perspective, some of them will challenge you big time but in the whole picture things will make more sense than they ever used to do. Life isn’t all sweetness and roses. It has crap times otherwise it would be not reality. Even people with lots of money, status or whatever get ill etc. Some that have barely anything to the bare minimum to survive never get ill or die early. Yes, there are backgrounds which make people less likely to succeed or be wealthy but in general life has no karma rules. Those times won’t be forever. I know that grief can be painful for a long time. As I say all the time, you don’t heal, you just learn to deal when the feelings get less raw. I hope that my plain talking doesn’t hurt anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts. I tried to make it very on point without being too severe just in case.

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