Barely sleeping at the moment.

I’ve barely slept for days. I get a few hours here and there but that isn’t enough. I tried to catch up with sleep today (yesterday now). I did get some sleep but not a lot. Then I went for a walk this evening after the rain has gone for a few hours. I didn’t get back to bed until late. It’s nearly 5 am. I haven’t slept. I have to be up tomorrow hopefully the weather won’t cancel what I had to rearrange the last time. I’m tired. That is why not being able to sleep is annoying me. I’m still upset over certain things but I’m refusing to think about them so that stuff isn’t keeping me awake. I do hope that stuff works out in time. I’m a good person. I don’t want others to dislike me forever. I don’t seem to attract decent people. I’m getting the pervy type guys approaching me just wanting to touch me and send photos of their dicks. This happens when I’m down to a certain weight. It seems that when a woman loses weight and looks attractive those type of men are like flies surrounding a turd. I blocked one today that I plainly told I would not be letting him touch me. He then continued about getting physical. I’m not mean. I did warn him before he got blocked. He sent me a photo of his dick too. I’m not the same person I used to be. I used to allow that because I was young and naive. I wasn’t myself after my son’s adoption for a long time and others took advantage of that. I hate that kind of thing. Men did get me to do those kind of photos (boob obsessed men). I never showed my face on them but I’ve still threatened them with legal action if they ever share them. I’m at the stage of my life where I want to meet someone decent both as friends and potentially more so that I can have the option of having another child. I don’t want to be on my own if I go there again and I don’t want untrustworthy shits around me. I want a supportive environment if I ever go there again. I find it hard to get decent people to like me. I always seem to end up with users, abusers or perverts. I don’t want those types in my life anymore. I deserve proper love, not to be seen as a sexual object, discarded after I have served a purpose etc. I waited for that love a long time. Yes, I’m independent but having supportive people that truly care about me surrounding me would help me progress as a person a lot. There’s only so far that you can go being a lone wolf type.

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