Tired… I didn’t sleep last night.

I am very tired. I literally didn’t sleep until gone 8 am this morning. I have to go out soon because my medication is waiting to be picked up and I need to collect the duvet. I feel like crap. I need sleep. I’m cold too. I always feel colder than normal when I’m tired. I am going to post stuff on here in relation to autism acceptance/awareness month but I personally am struggling due to not being able to sleep and the things surrounding what is keeping me awake right now. It’s not ideal with it being the month of my son’s birthday. I would like to just point out that despite my reputation I’m not mean. I can be but it’s normally not just for the sake of being mean. I have a reputation to uphold as a leader in advocating for autism. That involves having a thick skin and not easily backing down when others try to bash your opinions and views. This month you’ll see a lot of in-house fighting about autism in general between parents/caters of autistic people and autistic people themselves. I have to stand in between the two as a buffer because it’s not helping autism awareness/acceptance. We will all have different perspectives from the reality that we live. The problem is that when it comes to teaching the outside world these conflicting views don’t help the cause. I don’t like conflict. I don’t like confrontation at all. I try to sort it out without all that or clarify stuff. I’m never going to bite anyone’s head off if I don’t agree with them. I’m not a scary person to approach. I would rather sort stuff out between me and others than stay being barely able to sleep. It’s hell to deal with on a long term basis. I am understanding when I’m back on my medication. I’m not like I was now when I very brutally honest with everyone around Christmas. I don’t want things to be the way they are. The fact that it’s keeping me awake is showing me that when I try to repress it and forget about it. The more I do that, the more it seems to keep me awake. It’s so annoying and lack of sleep is impacting my life.

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