Today was difficult.

I’m still awake at 5 am because my sleep pattern is such a mess. I fell asleep most of the day. Mister peed on my duvet cover after I hadn’t long woken up so I had to deal with that mess. I got up. Apparently the phone calls today are set to happen for tomorrow now according to the messages that I found after waking up late. I went for a 23,000 steps evening walk. I had a reasonable dinner (posted on social media earlier). I still have a runny nose and feel a bit crappy so probably have a cold. I took an antihistamine that made no difference so it’s not allergies. I’m going to get up to do stuff tomorrow regardless of how much sleep I manage to get eventually. I have to put colour through my hair where it has faded out to silvery grey. There’s too much silvery parts with way too many colour changes going on (including the dark natural roots). I can only do that during the day to see the colour properly. I got other stuff to do which I can’t do if I sleep during the day. The things keeping me awake is not in my control. Others are aware that they’ve hurt me by their actions. I only said the brutally honest (what I saw as) truth to provoke a reaction in the first place. I had to say things that I know they wouldn’t ignore, that would hit a nerve because I felt like I was being ignored. I’m sorry but it’s a borderline personality disorder trait that I haven’t been able to completely stop yet. I also have a bitchy streak so I don’t hold back a lot. I apologised for what I said. They’re aware how much it is affecting me and it’s obvious on the blog. They won’t do the right thing though. They obviously don’t care that their decision to cut me off for what I said is negatively impacting on my every day life because it’s stopping me sleeping.

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