I’ve paid for the karma of what I did in my past.

I’m sorry but how is it fair that I did when I was young several times over. I went through hell. It may be hard to understand for most people but I didn’t understand what l had done wrong as a teenager. It was a simple case of seeking revenge for being rejected back then. I was trying to get someone arrested for carrying a bomb, in my head it was as simple as that. I’m not justifying my actions, this is me explaining my actions. I have lived out my karma for my stupid decisions growing up. I don’t deserve people looking at my past and treating me a certain way. I’m not a bad person. I wanted the love that I never got. I would have thrived in life born to the right mother. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh but it’s the truth. Others really don’t know what goes on behind closed doors and how life was like for me growing up. I don’t want to go into every detail. I shouldn’t have to do so because I want a private life. Yes, others may not have made the choices that I did who also had a bad past. We don’t all deal with things the same way. I was immature as a child, even when I grew up to very recently I remained that way. The only reason I disclosed my past on here was to stop people adding parts to it that didn’t happen via gossip. Before you know it you’re some psychopathic murderer or something or at least seen as a dangerous psycho/sociopath just by what others say behind my back about me. That is the price anyone pays for putting themselves out there advocating for mental health/autism, trying to educate others etc. I won’t put up with it. There are certain things I can’t ignore or let get out of control without saying something. I will let things slide to a certain point for the sake of having peace but there are limits I won’t let others cross. There’s stuff that the outside world doesn’t know about my life which I want to keep private. I deal with that stuff emotionally and physically every day. I end up burnt out regularly. I have suffered to the extreme in certain areas of my life. I don’t know if I will ever get over that trauma enough to have a proper life.