I needed to get back to the gym.

I feel a lot better about other peoples attitudes toward me now that I’ve had a gym session. As I said, every rejection will eventually lead to me getting hotter, physically more attractive etc. I can’t be someone that I am not to be liked. I am strong willed and very determined… that may come off in a negative way but it is how I survived. I keep seeing repeated numbers, one magpie and one crow… that was never a good sign in the past. I’m already on my guard just in case since these numbers started popping up everywhere. I am not my past and I refuse to live 2018 again. That year was hell and I’m more controlled in my mentality now. The follow up emails I’ve sent to the council about the 117 section review meeting decision have been ignored. I feel that my views are totally being dismissed. I just had the assigned social worker asking me yesterday if I was sure about my decision. I said I was at the meeting and I am still firmly decided. I’m not being continually punished being on these things for stuff I did as a teenager. I was only labelled a criminal due to the stupid bomb hoax I was involved in with a friend. I sent the email from my computer so I got the book thrown at me. The other things to do with my autism wouldn’t have even got to court if that hadn’t happened. I went to get qualified (did as many modules of my law degree that my brain was able to do due to learning disabilities etc). I don’t even mind doing all the work but I refuse to pay for my teenage stupidity my entire life. There is a reason I have anger problems… that is it right there plus emotional neglect growing up. I don’t know why I couldn’t have had emotionally warm parents. I wanted a mother figure I was never given. That led to my behaviour problems. I have anger to this day because I no longer want to have to pay for what I did to end up in a certain position in the first place. I want it to end. I need to move on. Until the loose ends are tied up legally etc I simply cannot mentally do that. It’s a process and I have to come off that clause to start releasing the anger simmering from how I was treated due to being labelled.

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