Very tired…

I managed to get to the gym but I’m very tired. I managed to do everything but my eye bags have actually developed their own bags because I have not slept enough for quite a while. I just want to be able to sleep properly but there is so many things keeping me awake. I’m a bit on edge about the PIP review. That is due to the previous experience with them. It took me a year to get them to tribunal get it after the DLA change over. I also hate others not liking me or falling out with me so that is also keeping me awake. I’ve not slept in years because of that kind of thing. It takes me quite a long time to let go. I don’t see why I should be treated the way they treated me because I didn’t do anything that terrible. I know that people aren’t a fan of my honesty. I tried to put my past to bed by publishing it in black and white so people don’t talk then end up making assumptions. I didn’t want it out there. I literally had to defend my position to PR people that I know who told me it wasn’t a good idea. I don’t see what choice I had… I live in a small area and rumours can turn into something they definitely aren’t so easily. I’m not the same person as I used to be. I don’t want people to fear or shy away from me. I feel like this has happened. I know that people fear autism because they don’t understand it. I have tried to explain it. It’s not easy to explain. It is hard to imagine unless you’re inside an autistic mind. I may be intuitive … I’m not that advanced, I don’t have the ability to mind connect (as far as I know consciously). I hope that now my past is out there it will stop stupid gossip. I am who I am, not what people have probably spread around. Small town, small narrow minds etc. I won’t have anyone say shit about me without correcting it. If you do know about my past then everyone knows what happened when I was pushed to the limits… it’s best not to go there. I’m still able to access anger to finish off anyone that needs sorting (not physically, I can’t fight but I use my intelligence).

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