Late night thoughts: so anxious about tomorrow.

I have an important meeting tomorrow. I tried to sleep but I’m anxious. I pulled the tarot cards to see the outcome. They look positive but the combination of the cards has left me unsure. The cards are in the image below. It’s saying disappointment and negotiation. I’m not willing to negotiate. I know the option that I prefer and will attempt to persuade the doctor in the meeting that being off the clause is the right thing for me. He may have historical information on me, that isn’t who I am now. I need the freedom that I had before they put me in the system as a teenager. That clause is such a stigma to live under because others know that previously means someone has been sectioned. I was a stupid kid when they sectioned me. I was young, very naive etc. The system caused me more damage, I didn’t ever feel helped in the treatments I received in the past. The support I got given under the clause wasn’t helpful either. That is why negotiation will not be an option on the table for me tomorrow. I have a right to be hurt and annoyed at the way others have acted toward me. That isn’t an abnormal thing. That is an appropriate reaction. Autism isn’t a mental illness and my behaviour was provoked by the actions of someone else. That is life. Those that are free (not under clauses) react to things all the time. I’m human, we are all not perfect. I’m self aware which is more than can be said for many others I have met over my lifetime. I have paid for all my past mistakes and dealt with the majority of my issues. The goal is quite straight forward on my side.

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