I’m very hurt right now.

I go quieter when I’m hurt by stuff. I already didn’t sleep for weeks properly to the point where I ended up burnt out. I’ve not been out in daylight much recently. I’m fed up with being treated certain ways and not being able to do anything about it. I am not the assumptions that others make about me at this point of my life. I’m nothing like who I was as a younger person. I don’t always do the right thing but no one does the right thing all the time. I’ve never been in a relationship so I’m not great with all the social stuff. I kept away from it a lot because of negative experiences in my past. I don’t have to be honest about that past. I do it to try to help others and create a more helpful narrative for future generations. Instead I end up having it flung back in my face. I’m in the middle of trying to sort my past out. I’m tying up loose ends to be able to properly start a new life. That will require disputing things held on record about me from my past. I’m prepared to take legal action to get them removed (this is what others had to do). I’m hurt right now because people judge me harshly and then punish me for what I might be rather than what I actually am. I’m one of the few authentic people that can be trusted where we live in a small town where there are many who are basically snakes. Those type’s definitely don’t like me because I’m an intuitive type who can see right through them. I can’t describe how I know… it’s just an uneasy vibe I get from them. I know it also scares people how I just know things which literally pop into my head and how I can read under the surface level deeper than they show outwardly. Those things I can’t help. That is just part of me. It’s not something to be scared of … I would never broadcast anything I picked up on a personal level. I wouldn’t use it to my advantage either. Karma takes a dim view of that kind of thing. I did it in the past when I was younger and it came back to bite me. There is a fine line between being cautious and cruel. Others may not be able to see how their actions are cruel but that line has been crossed. There are so many forms of bullying and what they’ve done to me is classed as a type of bullying. It’s caused me emotional suffering to the point where I haven’t slept properly in weeks. I am a person with feelings underneath my diagnosis label of autism. People seem to never take that into account. I have tried to make it right by apologising. I meant that apology. That means others were just using my reaction to a situation as an excuse to justify their shitty actions toward me. It isn’t fair. I’m very hurt by it and I won’t just get over it.


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