It’s like living in another time zone at the moment.

I fell asleep for most of the day despite meaning to make up about 2pm to try to reset sleep pattern again. It is a total mess at the moment. I barely got anything done at home and went out because I was late for the plans I had on. I had a late gym session but at least I didn’t have to cook when I got home because I had dinner at mothers earlier. I can’t stay in this sleep pattern because I’m literally not getting anything done. I can’t explain the whole BPD thing and how what is going on is linking to the sleep issues I currently have. Other peoples minds are made up, they never change their mind, you’re expected to just ‘get over it’ despite the fact that I literally can’t sleep at night because of stuff. As soon as people look up BPD their guard is up and they disappear anyway. I can’t win in this situation. We can be horrible to people because we believe that they will walk away anyway so instead we push them away. That makes no sense to a none BPD person. If others refuse to talk to me I simply cannot explain it. I put a few videos up on social media earlier about BPD from a well known creator on TikTok who is doing a psychology degree and has just got married despite having BPD. I don’t think she has a very successful past due to the condition though. It can be a lot less controlled in a younger person. She is slightly older than me. Mine has just settled down a bit over the last two years. I used to not be able to mask so easily but then traumas came out in behaviour when I was younger. Then there is the fact that one person disappointing you or hurting you means that you don’t want to be around others and it takes you a very long time to settle again. I can’t really say I will ever fully trust people.

%d bloggers like this: