Late night thoughts… needed a rest day.

I didn’t completely rest but I didn’t do any exercise. That seems to have reduced the inflammation in my body and in turn my weight went back down. I’m also less wound up too. Walking became a kind of pacing thing because I had things on my mind. That is never a good thing. I still have an extremely runny nose which feels like a cold rather than allergies. I was feeling run down but now I feel like I’ve recovered a bit. I’m ready for a gym session tomorrow. I’m not pushing myself too hard. I only needed a rest day and it’s reset me. I got upset at a clip of the undatables earlier. Two people with Down syndrome getting together. I got upset because I don’t want to be with someone who has the same condition as myself. I’m not autistic enough to be satisfied. The more I think about getting into a potential relationship, the more I want to stay single. And I don’t think I want any more children. If Jonny hadn’t been adopted and was still in my life then I wouldn’t even want another child or be in a relationship. The relationship part is purely to have another child and not be left on my own with no support. I like being single. I had a child already. I don’t particularly want to go through pregnancy etc again. I would be happy as I am now if Jonny had grown up with me. I would have liked a girl but I only originally ever wanted one. I only want a family of my own when I see others but at the same time it looks hard work. I get tired quite a lot so I don’t think that I could ever do it.