I am actually in pain today.

I don’t feel pain that often but today ( maybe enhanced due to not much sleep) I am feeling intense pain around my joints.,, it’s the aching type rather than the sharp type. It’s quite strong. I also have the very scabby back thing going on which I stupidly picked because I am so used to doing that. It has gone quite sore now. I’m definitely going to have to try to put some kind of cream on it but reaching that part of me can be difficult. I have short arms which struggle to even pick my back scabs let alone put cream on them. I’m approaching 36. The age that statistically people with my condition have as a life expectancy. I’m a tough little thing but because I now have multiple conditions I am afraid I’m going to get taken out around the statistical age. Then there has been the nagging part of my intuition that says I will be dead by 40 which I’ve had for many years now. I know I’ve pushed my luck with painkiller addiction for many years when I was younger. I still do push myself to the absolute limits in other ways. I try to stay fit and look after myself but there have been extremely fit people who have died prematurely. There is simple no way to ensure that you don’t have an early death. You could just walk into a freak accident and die young. I will probably be taken out because I know too much, found out something I shouldn’t etc. I hate injustice, I would want to say something. I may hate injustice but I’m also very loyal so I would literally be torn as to whether I should say anything. Anyway, I’m off to rest for a bit because even holding my phone makes my joints worse.

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