Kindness helps trauma.

I have slept for a few hours. The cats joined me, they see snoozing as a group activity. I had to rest today. I was completely wiped out after this week walking and gym sessions. Anyway, I have come to talk about how so many people do not help the trauma I’ve experienced. People don’t seem to be kind. That isn’t helpful. I need the support. I no longer get it from the services. I’m technically on my own. It’s very tiring trying to cope on my own. I am aware that others don’t think I’ve been through much in comparison to others. This isn’t a competition. I also don’t go into every little detail of the things I went through. That would be too painful so I summarise it. There is a reason why I don’t trust anyone. There are more reasons than what I make public knowledge. The fear I have of people is very valid and justified. I will recover with kindness, not bullying and rejection. I know I’m not much and don’t have a lot to offer. I don’t work so others see me in a certain way. I have never been supported to make that transition and the DWP’s rules make you fear taking that leap into any form of employment. I am far from lazy. I make a lot of effort to look decent, speak properly and have morals. I didn’t used to mind being seen as just an autistic person but now I want people to see me for the person I am rather than a walking diagnosis. It’s an age thing. I used to play it up but now I’m getting older I would rather play it down. I was immature for a very long time. It’s only in the last few years my personality has started to change. I’m more grounded, not completely but more than I used to be. I see my limitations but I don’t let them define me. Life with a fear of people due to trauma isn’t easy though and when people treat me a certain way it doesn’t repair that damage, instead it rips it back open. Kindness is helpful. That is what I need to fully heal.

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