Late night thoughts – too tired to stick to one subject.

I’ve just got into bed. I got home late. I had something light to eat. Despite that my scale weight has pinged up even higher than it was previously. It has to be hormonal because I have stayed at a reduced calories level and physically pushed myself to the limit over the last two weeks. I stopped getting up earlier because sleep pattern got messed up again. I’m going to try to fix that. I feel kind of crap. I think I have a cold because my nose won’t stop running. I wouldn’t be surprised. I catch every cold going around. I haven’t had one of the severe types which stop me sleeping for a few years. I normally only get a runny nose nowadays. I’m fitter than I was a few years ago which is when I started losing all the weight I had gained, eating healthier etc. I’m starting to ache from my gym session, my arms feel heavy holding my phone. I finally got rid of my last pile, I had three when I gave birth to my son, the last one burst earlier. I’m seeing this as a symbolic sign. I feel like I have reached another stage of my life and those bursting over the last few months are part of my past and everything that happened. I’m hoping for a new chapter. I feel ready to have a new life now. It is going to be challenging until I’m used to it. I don’t want to be seen as autistic any longer. I’m Em (Emma) with my own personality separate from my autism. Ok, sometimes that personality sucks but that is the same for everyone at some points. I apologise every time that happens. I can’t be any more authentic than I am. I’m extremely tired so I don’t think that what I’m typing even remotely makes sense at this point.

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