It’s been one of those days. I was so lazy.

I stayed in bed until the afternoon but in my defence I didn’t go to bed until late due to waiting for hair to dry enough. I still ended up twisting leave in conditioner into it when it was damp. The texture is now slightly sticky but it was easier to straighten with that in and heat protector spray. It didn’t take me as long as usual with more product and less burning because the ends were coated. I don’t know if it’s going to look clean and not greasy for a whole week though. It went naturally wavy when I blew dried the product into my hair. They aren’t proper waves though and I don’t know how to do the whole curling thing with the straightener. If you leave it in a half waved matter state it looks awful. I still have bits of hair growing back at the front and sides so I can’t push it too much yet due to those parts being brittle. I also gained weight again which makes no sense. I’ve walked every single day, cut calories and barely drinking alcohol now. I’m worried about the antidepressants potentially keeping the weight on… don’t worry everyone I’m not coming off them again because I realise that I need them. I’m not even due on my monthly yet. I am in the two week window where I fill up with water but with the amount of exercise I’ve done I should be seeing a scale reduction not increase. I’ve pushed myself so hard that I actually had a nose bleed when I woke up. I just want to be skinny again. I know that in some peoples eyes I have entered that territory but I’m not the weight I would like to get down to as a goal. I’m seeing repeated numbers every where I look. That is getting extremely annoying and also frightening me. I miss someone and I keep seeing stuff relating to them too. It’s hurtful because we are never going to speak again due to circumstances. Then depression hits me again because I realise it’s always going to be this way.