The reluctance to get up is strong today :(

I had a reasonable sleep. I did wake up for a few hours and also had to let the cat in at a stupid hour. I thought she was going to be back hours before she turned up because of how much it rained during the night. She came in wet and shook herself everywhere! I had to park on the grass outside our flat car park when I got home last night again. If you don’t live here please stop parking in there. We constantly have these issues when the schools are in term time. It’s rained so I’m hoping my car hasn’t sunk into the grass a bit. I have such bad scabby skin bits at the moment.I can see on the scale that I haven’t moved a lot in the last couple of days because my weight has pinged back up. It isn’t by much but it’s enough. I think it was a lot of water weight because when I was getting up to the toilet every few hours (thankfully that has stopped now) it went down a few lbs. I know that sleeping in until the afternoon is a bad thing but I’ve still been tired. I’ve had a lot of broken sleep so I needed to catch up. I suppose it’s ok to rest a bit every so often but I feel guilty for that. I have an inner part of me which gives me a hard time. It tells me I can’t rest until certain things get done or I achieve certain things. These are like major things way beyond my control. For instance, the changing of the laws in this country to stop the forced adoption practices. I put things like that on myself. I’m not allowed to fully rest until I’ve managed to plug the gaps that is allowing it to happen. I know it’s all complicated and it will be hard to legally get the dispense of parental rights to consent for adoption thing completely disallowed but even in America they have adoption reversal for the first two years. If I don’t get this done then my experience was not used for future progress or anything positive. I have to get those changes to happen because I believe that this is the only way that my experience was meant to be. It will help me accept losing my son to forced adoption completely. I can’t do that until the work is done. It’s not just that side of things. The goal of getting others to accept me and not treat me unkind is also important for me. I’m being nagged by the cats to get up so I have to go now because apparently it’s dinner time for them.

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