I’m only thinking about this now due to the date.

I’m not going to be awake all night. I’m going to try to complete the cat tower and then go to bed. However, I am thinking about things tonight. That is due to previously having an appointment with the person who was cold with me and no longer wants anything to do with me today. I cancelled the appointment when they were cold with me in the street but still, despite the fact that I have a brutal honest mouth on me, I don’t think that I deserved what they’ve done. And this stress response has got to stop. I started thinking about it and my skin has come up in scabby bits again. Even if I act unbothered my skin shows that I am because I randomly start itching. Like, please don’t show my vulnerability that I like to keep hidden. I can’t act bothered about this stuff. If the other party doesn’t care then I’m wasting my time being stressed over what happened, what was said (basically I don’t remember because someone thought being medication free was going to be helpful). I can only remember bits because I’m the kind of person who sends emails when the emotional urge occurs on a spare of the moment thing. It’s one of those things that probably happens more when off medication because my brain seems more ‘ADHD’ like then. I did a collective apology on here earlier because I probably don’t remember a lot of things I may have said off of antidepressants. I get naturally very angry after what I’ve been through. The medication masks that so it doesn’t get fired in anyone’s direction via brutal words or maybe opinions that others won’t like. Anyway, I keep thinking about this person and maybe was only nasty because I knew I had some feelings but they technically weren’t allowed due to circumstances.

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