I had to nap earlier.

I couldn’t do the whole day in one or two hours sleep. I know my hair has gone mad wild ehh h I tried to avoid as much as possible by putting it in a bun before going for a nap. I will straighten it when it’s properly dry by tomorrow (it takes a very long time to dry and I am too tired to spend nearly 2 hours which is what it takes to section and straighten it properly due to thickness and amount of hair). I didn’t manager to get the parcel off yet because the post office part in the local shop here now closes at half 5. That wasn’t the case previously. If I had known I would have not gone for a nap and instead popped out earlier. I can feel my confidence levels rising again now I’m back on antidepressants. It’s never going to be very high but at least there is some there now. It’s better when my level of anxiety is reduced rather than being constantly there. It’s weird not being anxious. I got used to being on constant alert and fearing any interaction with other people. I am now so chilled. I can’t be too chilled though because stuff doesn’t get done. I’m still waiting to hear about that meeting being arranged. They better have a date at least by the end of feb. They have 28 days to answer any complaints but I’ve asked for action rather than words to make more excuses. The woman at reception has typed it up briefly for them plainly asking what was in my letter. I have signed everything so now I want to get it done and be off that thing after 15 years of my life being on it. I’m no longer even ‘young’ now. Anyway, I’m never going to get my confidence back properly if others treat me the way that they have been. They probably wouldn’t do it to anyone else because regardless of whether others are conscious of the whole way they treat autistic people, this is exactly what they do. It comes across as cruel to us rather than setting boundaries etc. I may have said things which I most likely don’t remember but then that is even more unfair to judge me on those things. I speak the truth regardless if it’s harsh. I will never be intentionally cruel unless I’m angry. I’m the most genuine person that you could ever meet. Yes, I am a pain in the ass at times but less than I used to be. I may be getting slimmer again but with this face I’m not seen as attractive so I’m no threat to anyone. I’m no where near the beauty standard of what is seen as a threat.

%d bloggers like this: