So, I woke up at a stupid hour again :(

I woke up at half 5 this morning after only a few hours sleep. I’m going back to sleep for a bit because I’m extremely tired. I need a rest. That means I won’t be going on actual video today. I’ve had runny eyes since I woke up so allergies must be kicking off again or o have a cold because my nose is also running a lot. I look a mess, my eyelashes are a state from having runny eyes a lot and the bit I lost when I went through hair shedding. I’m feeling burnt out so really not up to the whole speaking on camera thing. It’s not easy to prevent burn out when you can only sleep for a few hours at a time. I can’t be constantly taking naps around life stuff because it’s just not practical. I don’t particularly want to go back on antidepressants because of weight gain etc. That is motivated by vanity though. That isn’t a good thing. I will also lose my intuitive side which came back strongly after I came off of them. I need some of that. I can’t lose all of it because I use it for stuff. I will probably be more settled without it because stuff randomly wakes me up in the night and things pop into my head constantly. That probably is why I can’t focus properly. I flit from one thing to another because I constantly pick things up which are there between thoughts. It is nice to have a rest, disconnect etc but it is part of me which I was born with for a reason. It’s technically going against nature by chemically preventing it. I feel bad for turning it off because I feel that I have it to help others. I just can’t handle how mentally/ emotionally I’m burnt out at the moment. I tried to wait for it to pass but it seems permanent. There technically isn’t any therapy none medication option for me due to what caused my trauma.

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