As I said previously, but I will say it again.

I said this yesterday but I will keep saying it until people get it. The adoption of my son was injustice and I’m not going to get over it. That isn’t possible for me. There is no therapy in the entire world that will make me accept it. It wasn’t supposed to be, end of story and only happened due to circumstances coming together which went against me. I’m not being stubborn, this is just the facts here. I didn’t want to go back on antidepressants but because my head won’t accept the injustice I have to do so. I need to numb that I don’t accept it. That will make daily life easier. As for something that has just happened… there is no way me and that other person could have been friends as soon as I made the connection in regard to her being married to the paediatrician that saw my son, could see that he wasn’t injured etc but still said he should go to hospital just in case for the tests that child protection team wanted to carry out. It was after that point he went into care because once the hospital has a child the parent is pressured into signing a section 20 despite the fact there was no harm found in tests. I wish that I had refused to sign it but my solicitor told me to do so. The legal system doesn’t work for parents. I fell for every trick in the book because I was young and naive. If you go in these groups that are full of parents that have had their children adopted it’s all been due to the same tactics. I can’t forget that my child got taken and given to strangers, then I never had contact again. Those that were involved in parts of my sons case have their children. It is totally unfair. Even if things hadn’t gone the way that they did between me and that person I don’t think that I can ever overlook that her husband was a link in that chain knowing that they have children too. He didn’t have to let them admit him to hospital for tests. He could see with his examination that my son wasn’t harmed, abused or whatever. The only mark he had on him was the slight dent in his eyelid and a mark on his forehead from being a forceps delivery. That wasn’t from any kind of abuse. It’s due to that decision that I lost any kind of power I had in the situation for my son to not be taken from me by the system. That wasn’t the only part of circumstance that worked against me but it was one of the major factors. It will never be fair in my eyes and the injustice feeling won’t go away unless medicated with mind numbing pills which will probably cause lots of weight gain again. It’s not as easy as just having another baby for me. That was literally my only chance for a few reasons. I don’t have a partner and can’t really trust people so I stay single, my hormones are completely off so the likelihood of getting pregnant again is slim. It’s not a good idea to get pregnant on antidepressants especially after mid 30s when I already have the autism gene potential from myself. It can happen by chance without medication. I don’t even go out there anymore to find someone to have a child with nowadays. I have no desire to do so due to depression and trauma.

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