I’m needing to sleep but it’s not happening now.

It’s now gone 6 am and I have literally walked around my flat several times to wear myself out. It’s not happening. I’m not even feeling emotional. I have managed to numb that part of me at the moment. I have caught up with all my paperwork but shouldn’t have done it because now I’ve woken myself up too much. I just don’t want things to be the way they are in so many ways and it must be getting to me if I am waking up shouting. Again though, I can’t do anything about it because others with more power than me have made the decision. They don’t give a shit how stuff affects me. We are basically strangers so why should we give a shit about how each other feels. I was only brutally honest because they went cold on me. They’ve hurt me enough. I didn’t need to be so blunt but I didn’t like being treated like I was invisible. I wasn’t expecting to be besties, but just a bit of respect and acknowledgment sometimes. I really wasn’t asking for the world. I honestly think there is more to it but again I can’t ask it’s not my place. I really can’t not sleep. That is an important thing I simply cannot skip. I know that I don’t need anyone. I’m independent most of the time because that is the life I’m used to… I still get hurt by others actions toward me though. It affects my confidence and takes me back to times when I was hurting a lot and literally had to deal with it all myself.

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