Nap needed… not around for a while.

The washing machine is here so I don’t have to worry about being awake for that now. I dropped off for about an hour before they delivered it. I still have a bad migraine so need to try to sleep it off (I took painkiller as well so hopefully it goes away soon). I’m still going to have enough time to get stuff done even if I sleep until about 2 or 3 in the afternoon. I’m not well at the moment. I don’t want to seem cold but I also don’t want to get hurt again like I did in my past. I’m not going to be angry at anyone either. I can’t be bothered to do anger it takes too much energy to do which I simply don’t have nowadays. If people want to know me they have my contact details… if not… I don’t care anymore. I’m not the same person I was in the past. I have a rule that I will not chase because that makes me look cheap and desperate. I’m not in any way desperate, I like my solo life without friends etc. I find it peaceful. It wouldn’t really matter to me if it changed or not. This existence is all I’ve ever known. I can’t miss what I’ve never had. I’m a loving person but I need my own space away from people because literally being an intuitive empath type drains my energy when I’m around others. It depends who they are, in some cases I physically feel full of energy around some people. I don’t mind crowds (despite people assuming that I would due to being autistic) but they do leave me drained. There’s too much collaborative energy from different individuals mixing. They can leave me feeling very unbalanced and sometimes I’ve been unsettled after being around a lot of people. I’m sociable but people drain me so much. I feel everything so sometimes I randomly feel wiped out and it’s not from me, energetically I can accidentally connect to others and start feeling random stuff. I do cut cords and disconnect myself from it as soon as I realise what’s happened. It’s weird and unsettling. I shouldn’t know things about people I barely know but things pop in my head when I’m feeling energetic connections. I don’t get to rest if I don’t disconnect the cords that randomly attach while I’m going about my life. I’m finding it hard to sleep but that is mainly my sleep pattern having got messed up by the stuff mentioned above. People don’t understand it. They just look at me as weird. Sometimes I feel like I’m weird because I randomly feel things, have predictive (pre-cognitive) dreams. I’m very nervous about the one I had a few years ago (2017, I think) where there was a nuclear attack and I was living here at the time (in the dream) … it felt like I was living it. There was a loud bang from all the glass breaking and things were melting from the fallout. That is scary when the uk is now involving itself in the war helping Ukraine fight Russia giving them tanks etc. Russia will most likely retaliate by attacking all the countries helping the other side. Putin has already threatened to sink us by launching an underwater nuclear torpedo next to us. Once Russia start losing because other countries helped Ukraine they will most likely carry out their threat just because they didn’t take back Ukraine. I don’t want to scare other people but my dream made me nervous and none of this had kicked off then.

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