I know that I took ages to get off of antidepressants but I now have no desire to do anything in life so the alternative sucks. I tried my best and I don’t want to feel like I’ve failed but that is how going back on them would feel. I know that regardless of how little I eat on them I will gain weight again. I’ve worked so hard so I don’t want that. I’m going to feel like I’ve wasted a whole year going through the motions of coming off of them. Today has been trying because the washing machine isn’t working. That burning smell must have been something breaking going in it. It was making funny noises over the previous week but I presumed it was its age. I’ve had the thing since I moved here 10 years ago. Most modern machines last about 5 years now. I had it repaired last time it threw a wobbly. As for my hair, that is pissing me off big time. I swear that I’m a genetic throwback. As far as I know my family is of white origin. I know that probably everyone is mixed if you trace it back. I look white but some of my features aren’t. I’m not built like a white person. I have curves so much so that one guy started calling me the white Beyonce years ago when I was a few stone lighter. The hair that I have is mixed textured and is changing as I get older. It was always thick when I was young. There’s a lot of it. The colour literally goes from dark to lighter roots every so often. It seems to be naturally going darker brown as I age (and the odd silvery bit of grey hair has sprouted). I don’t know if it’s hormones but my hair texture is increasingly going in the direction of black hair, even down to the z shaped crinkles and coiled curly parts where it broke off. The only genetic explanation would be if I had Asian in one blood line and black in another but the skin tone of my immediate family both sides are white. If there was any darker genetics then I would have thought that it would have been passed down. I know that my dad could tan. He had black hair. I don’t remember the other generations well enough to recall their skin tone. I can’t tan. I burn most of the time. I got some kind of tan briefly last summer but I think it was from being repeatedly burnt. It was extremely hot last summer. I liked the heat most days apart from those few that was the hottest. I don’t like being cold. I prefer that climate until it got uncomfortably hot but that was only a few days. I went out for a walk in the evening on the hottest days. That’s what they do in countries that are used to that kind of heat. We just aren’t designed to accommodate those temperatures because we have never had them much. I hope we get a summer that is hot again… maybe not that hot and I really need to start wearing sun cream because I avoided it last summer, then got burnt several times even in the less strong evening sun. I don’t wish for global warming but I’ve always wanted this country to be warmer. The rain and cold are the main weather features way too often. I hate getting wet and I feel cold easily so a change in climate would be good but I understand that if we get warmer there will be other places that are already quite warm that will get boiled. Cause and effect means we need to stay with our usual climate. The hot weather didn’t suite my hair texture anyway. It frizzed up like mad. I straightened it and ten minutes later the humidity would set in and undo it. Anyway, can’t you tell that my hair is getting on my nerves. I am going to try to sleep now because tomorrow I have to try to get the washing machine looked at / repaired if the guy has availability in his diary to come out straight away. I have to take the wet clothes in a bag to the laundry place locally to spin them and I may as well tumble dry them while I’m there.