I don’t mean to be intimidating…

I am aware that some people seem to think I am intimidating because of how I write communication. I honestly do not wish to fight anyone. It’s how being bullied and the way the system treated me has affected me. I take absolutely no bullshit. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt but I don’t particularly believe anyone even if they aren’t lying to me. I am quite hard on other people but I do that with myself too. That is how I’ve survived without support. I smacked my head really hard by accident on the car door while putting stuff on the back seat tonight. I will probably have a bruise come up tomorrow but it stopped hurting pretty fast so I’m fine. I’m not out to start fights with anybody, I just want to be treated with respect and if I feel ignored I don’t think that is respectful. Maybe others are legitimately busy and it’s not what I have done or anything about me. However, as I explained the other night, the events of my past always makes me doubt what others tell me. I also have intuition that sometimes tells me something is off but that could also be anxiety and if people don’t communicate with me then my mind starts to come up with lots of scenarios which doesn’t help my overall mental health. I can’t make others communicate if they don’t wish to do so. I just don’t want people to assume that I’m going to be unfriendly or difficult because I appear intimidating with how I write things. I’m actually quite easy going but I have to always have my guard up. I have to survive on my own with no support. I have been screwed over every time I’ve let my guard down so I’m friendly while also being prepared to swing a metaphorical sword at anyone who annoys me intentionally or unintentionally. I’m nice underneath but that is very surrounded by a hard shell.

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