So much to do, so little energy.

So I didn’t get to sleep until 6am. I woke up to my parcel being delivered (new cat tower, they have about shredded/ wrecked the previous one). I put the heating on full to warm the place up plus the clothes I’m going to be wearing. The air was like ice on here when I woke up. I really don’t feel well but I have stuff to do. I need to do my hair which is a big job when you’re still in migraine territory. Anything could start it off again. It’s a few hours thing at the best of times because of how thick and dense it is and trying to prevent it going dry and coarse in washing process requires patience I just don’t have right now. I can’t not do it otherwise I will lose the lengths of my hair if I let it get matted with build up of dirt, product or whatever. I am just fed up right now because every time I meet someone new they just don’t seem to like me or give a damn about me as a person. It’s fine when I’m ok and things are not feeling challenging for me but when I’m struggling it hurts quite a bit. I’m living in a mess and everything feels unclean to me, that is really stressing me out. It feels like it needs a deep clean due to dust etc (allergies really kick off). The carpets need a proper clean as my spot cleaning the cat messes doesn’t make them look properly clean. I need to get my car cleaned inside because my seats are terrible especially the drivers side after a few leaks on my monthly. I got most of the marks off but it’s left it with water marks. I can get someone to do that as I’ve asked for a few quotes. I could get a cleaner but then I don’t like the thought of paying someone for bits I can do when I have the energy. I don’t have friends that can help me out. I don’t like letting people into my home after a few bad experiences. I just feel stuck in this mess at the moment. I just don’t have the energy to deal with everything that needs sorting and got rid of either. There’s too much clutter that I no longer need. It stresses out my brain just by being there. I haven’t worn certain things including many shoes in years so I’m not going to suddenly start wearing them. I feel trapped in this environment full of things I don’t need or that need replacing because they’ve gone rusty etc (bathroom steel shelves and tv rack feet). The stuff that I do have is falling apart. The bedside table has always be a bit crap because it’s the canvas type which is not very stable. The chest of draws has dropped its hinges in places and has been like that for at least 5 years now. If I neglect these things then my luck will never change. It’s like the importance of throwing clothing away that has holes appeared in them. I haven’t done that yet. I know the rules and what happens if I don’t get rid of them… everything stays the same, things won’t progress with other people and my luck won’t improve.

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