I couldn’t sleep until late and got woken up very early.

I got woken up by my cat who was digging at the litter tray this morning. I’m extremely tired because I didn’t sleep until very late. I was even more miffed about being woken up because I was in a deep sleep and very comfortable. I just couldn’t sleep last night for ages. That sometimes happens. It’s one of those things if you’re an intuitive person. You just feel everything. I’m kept awake by my own feelings that I try to hide because I know that they don’t matter to anyone else. I just have to be upset and not happy when it comes to others because I’m literally the only one who cares. If I make a big deal out of anything that keeps me awake it just makes me look weird. I don’t want to look weird anymore. I already have looked that way and it’s embarrassing. I’m not even weird in a good way. I can do naturally creepy so easily without trying. I just have to sleep when I can and avoid tackling certain things right now. I just have to avoid others until I no longer have any feelings connected to them. I’ve been conditioned to feel this way. I was always shamed and punished. I feel like I’m not allowed to like other people in any way, like it’s forbidden. In this case it probably is anyway. I’m not happy because the cat has started peeing everywhere again. He wasn’t like this until he was spending time outside. He didn’t go out for a few weeks due to the weather being very cold (he didn’t want to) but as soon as he starts going out again he gets his usual issues. I can’t keep going up and down the road to the pdsa with him. It takes half an hour to get there (so my cat has an hour round trip). They don’t properly sort the issue out. The hospital is being run on a shoe string because of staff shortages. I waited 3 hours for them to do the process of seeing him, doing tests and sending him home with medication previously. I was lucky to have my pets registered because they sent an email out saying that they aren’t taking any more registrations at that hospital for new pets. It seems that the place is slowly shutting down. I can’t afford to use the normal vets. I don’t even think we have one local here now. I would still have an half hour drive to one in Hinckley which has a few vets. This could have been sorted out if the pdsa was actually ran properly and had enough resources like it used to be. Mister will have to go back soon but when my sleep pattern is like this it’s too much to sort out and overwhelms me easily.

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