I’m not jealous and I don’t do certain things because…

I’m definitely not jealous of rich people and those in professional jobs. I just have a problem about how they’ve treated me in the past. I really do not give a crap about your really expensive cars, holidays and the fact that they seem to have everything. I would find that life like an alien landscape for me. I also get people trying to push me in the direction of volunteering. I don’t want to do that because the whole process is a lot more complicated than how it was initially. There’s more paperwork, checks (which means I definitely won’t be going into that process until I’m off the 117 section clause) and I’m very guarded about going back out there because that is putting myself in the position of potentially being attacked like I was in my past and further accusations that I don’t deserve. The world out there has changed to the point that no one can do anything without potential accusations. It’s not safe to be different. I can’t get help in general either. I have been to charity organisations in the past only to be told that I’m not eligible for help from them. Other organisations haven’t been helpful. The last time my CV was updated was in 2018 when I had my month in prison. I was inactive for over 2 years now (open university module was 2021). I know I’ve always said I wanted to work but the affects of trauma makes me not want to go out there anymore. It hadn’t hit me when I was younger … it came out as behaviour problems but I wasn’t aware of it. I know what I said growing up. I’ve let go of my ambition and become more realistic now.

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