Late night thoughts… just be mindful of this.

I always have the most random conversations which get me thinking they in turn becomes a blog post. I was talking to someone on here earlier who had a career etc. Details about specific conversations doesn’t matter. However, the point I’m going to make does. Some of us didn’t get to do a lot in life because of our circumstances. I think it’s important to be mindful of that before assuming laziness or work shy etc. I have never officially worked but those that know me well are aware that I’m not a lazy person. I’m always don g something even if it’s not a lot from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. I have to do that because I have an adhd type brain. I never had a life where I was able to do what I wanted. I don’t know if I can ever go back out there again. I won’t ‘get over’ my sons adoption or any of the stuff that happened when I was young. Sometimes I feel like the old me is returning but it will never be the same person as before I went through everything. I’m going to be the traumatised version of the old me. There are still times that it hits me and I just don’t sleep because I end up crying all night. That was last night. I can’t have a proper life if I get like that because I have to be able to sleep. I’m sleeping better than I was doing but things still ping back into my head randomly. It’s hard when we live in such a cold world where everyone wants you to just forget the pain that has been inflicted upon you. I cannot act normal all the time especially when I have times where I’m not sleeping. The things that happened to me wasn’t fair or justifiable if the truth had been known at the time. Known and believed. The system always refused to do just that. Some of us was just never meant to be loved even though it was the one thing we always wanted. I’m thankful for the small tokens of people believing me as I have come out with stuff but I still can’t openly talk due to reasons. I don’t think that I will ever get the system to see me as the victim I was and change the negative ways I was labelled. I’m sorting out the 117 section aftercare meeting delay this week so hopefully that will be one thing done soon. Then we will get onto the other stuff.

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