I slept but still look / feel like crap.

I fell asleep for a bit. I’m awake again but feel like crap. I look like crap too which doesn’t make me feel any better. The cat was sat on me when I woke up. I guess I have my instructions for getting their food. I’m going to get glared at until I do it. I said to myself that I wouldn’t be bugged by other peoples actions but I am and it’s not helping right now with everything else. I just wish people wouldn’t ignore me or treat me badly because I don’t want to do life alone. I always have but that doesn’t mean it is the best option for me. I can’t get the official support that I’m supposed to get for my disability so I have no choice but to struggle alone. I know I shouldn’t go there but the only time I got rid of that environmental stress was on prison. Yes, I didn’t like it but there was always people around that could provide support. I completely lost my stressed out internal coil which I constantly have on the outside. I came out with a talkative personality and was generally thankful for everything in life for a while afterward. We have an issue when others have also said that they want to get sent to prison because there is no proper support on the outside. There was that horrific case where that teenager pushed that little boy off that building in London. He did it because he wanted a long prison sentence where he knew there would be support and no isolation like he felt in the community. He had a diagnosis of autism. I don’t like pointing these cases out due to the stigma it gives those of us with this label. I had to link the above to this topic because it shows how dire the support system via social care has become of vulnerable adults would prefer to go to prison. It’s true… there isn’t a lot in the community for us. Even if we went out there regularly the kind of things happening wouldn’t be autism friendly. I’m not a huge stickler for autism friendly because we all have to fit into every environment whether we are autistic or not. I find that I just want to leave if I get over stimulated by sensory input because it’s too much. I never used to be that way before trauma. I used to like being out when young and was literally the last one to want to leave especially when I had moved away from home. I can’t be myself here now I’ve come back to where I was born. I won’t find support out here so I just have to cope even if that is hard.

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