I couldn’t sleep last night :(

I lay awake most of the night because I was just so emotional to the point of crying. I started my monthly which probably was why I was like that. I have really bad ear scabs which I should stop picking but it’s hard to not do it. I hate the cold. The heating went straight on when I got up because the air was like ice in here. I’m not going to be in a good mood until it’s warmed up in here. I have stuff to do so can’t stay in bed. I’m still really tired because I kept waking up. I’m not happy about so many things right now and it’s getting hard to mask how I’m feeling. I can’t pretend to others any longer. Even if I did say how I feel no one listens to me. I will just get ignored as usual. I just can’t be as passive as I used to be. I’m just too irritated by the way others act. I’m fed up with being the only one that puts effort into anything while others only bother to put in the bare minimum. I’ve done that my entire life and look how I got treated. Those that seem to not try very hard get everything in life. They don’t even appreciate what they have either. I had my family ripped away from me despite trying so hard to prevent that. I’m sick of undeserving people getting stuff. The ones that just willingly take everything when others are putting in the effort. It pisses me off. I deserve so much better stuff because I did the work. I deserve to be treated so much better because I put in the effort. I’m sick of being treated like a loose option that is only there or used when no one better is around. That is a hurtful option to be. I have always been treated that way because of how I was labelled etc. I don’t like it. It’s unacceptable. I can’t make myself any more better than this right now. The fact that I have to eat more now due to anemia has stopped me losing anymore weight. I’m now stuck at around 10 and a half stone. I can’t bring my weight down any further because eating the bare minimum of calories made my hair start snapping. That is going to take a long time to grow back properly. I work really hard in everything that I do. I will push myself further than many people.

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