I have had enough. This was all supposed to be temporary. I was tricked.

Those of you that read the blog regular will probably know that I only agreed to my circumstances if they were temporary. I was led to believe that they were but it’s now been a decade so it ended up not temporary. The trauma I went through associated in the area that I was born is now starting to show. I used to have thick eyelashes… now they’ve started falling out and my eyes constantly water which doesn’t help that. The hair on my head literally keeps matting together regardless of how much I detangle it on a daily basis. I have really messed up monthlies (gone extremely hot tonight). I have internalised the trauma responses of living back here for too long. I need to move away but I have not enough money or resources to just up and leave. I could reverse these health issues if I got away from here. If I’m heading toward my monthlies actually stopping at some point in the near future then I don’t have long to reverse that part. I only ever returned because I was led to believe that it was the only way to keep my son with me. There was no point in the grand scale of what happened because he still ended up adopted. Everything I own either goes wrong, has holes in it or needs replacing due to age relating issues. This shows that the area I am currently residing is energetically wrong for me. I am drained here because of that imbalance. I was patient for the last decade but I can’t do that any longer. Even if I repress it to keep it under the surface, look what it’s doing to my hair / skin etc. If something isn’t meant to be then it will kick back at us. That is how things work if you’re not spiritually aligned with where you’re supposed to be. I was never meant to stay in this area. It isn’t for my highest good. The trauma is too much. I’m always sick with a cold like thing. This isn’t right for me. If I don’t get away soon it is going to destroy me bit by bit. It won’t only be clothes getting holes in them, things breaking and various health problems. Bigger things will start happening. I was never meant to be here, grow up here. That is why all the things that happened from my childhood and early adulthood occurred. I got away like I was supposed to do. I was never meant to come back and the stuff around me is starting to point that out.

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