Learning to ‘play the game’ and repress feelings etc.

I have managed to stop things keeping me awake at night now (can’t stay awake at times now so the issue kind of resolved itself). However, I still find myself feeling like I’m totally repressing what I want etc when I’m communicating with certain people (well, one particular person at the moment) while using them on a professional basis. I know as someone who is putting themselves out there as a trainee influencer, I simply cannot make friends with others just because I ‘feel like it’. If any scandal goes around about me before I’ve got my followers up, video, blogs views increased, everything could be totally ruined. And, I did accept that the other person didn’t make friends with clients so I kind of already tried and then accepted that they were never going to bend on that one. I’m still disappointed though. I have no idea why because I thought I had got over it. I haven’t got over the implied rejection though. That happens when you’ve got trauma around past rejection growing up. It doesn’t go away. It lays dormant and gets triggered from time to time. It’s not even a current persons fault, it’s the memories. They’ve done nothing to me… apart from reject me on a friends level but I do that all the time with people (mostly guys) so it’s not a terrible thing. It’s merely a choice that the other party doesn’t like.