Woken up in a mood today.

The cat woke me up at least 3 or 4 times last night so I’m still tired. I got back to sleep every time straight away. The last time he woke me up was half 6 this morning. I put a comment on Twitter saying it was far too early. That was met with a response of that was a totally reasonable time not early and that I have no concept of time. I remember hearing that as one excuse to deny me custody of my son and justify adoption. I was always up by that hour when I had to get to college in Leicester about 6/7 years ago. I was handed a contract telling me I had to be there at a certain time otherwise they would have an excuse to get rid of me (they wanted to do that due to trauma response behaviours). I had to be up that early to get to the place for the start of my first class. I had to do it because I wanted to get my GCSE’s which I never got to do due to school kicking me out. I did suffer blatant discrimination because others with issues weren’t handed contracts and told to follow them or else their place would be terminated. Others got to even not attend class for months on end and some tutors would literally speak to them on social media to sort out missed work etc (I probably have dropped someone in it here but after how people treated me in the past I really don’t care). People have always set me up to fail and I haven’t because I’ve literally pushed myself into long term autistic burnout to cope with whatever they threw at me. I made sure that I got to every place I was ever told I had to be regardless whether it was in education system, legal matters or social services. I was treated so badly because of my desire for a friend. People literally did anything to keep me at arms length and make me feel left out. It probably hasn’t helped bring on that 117 section aftercare thing which is why I’m trying to get off of it. I am also thinking about seriously going for trying to get rid of my autism (well Asperger syndrome) diagnosis too. They will be two stigmas I can remove from my name by taking action against the system to do so. Some places literally bar people with from things like employment (my aunt who works in HR quite high up – the rich one – basically told my mother this on the phone at one point). I don’t want this label anymore and no one is making me keep it. I’m not staying on that clause, I have made a firm decision on that and am prepared to fight to get that. I may need to get the label replaced with something because I know I’m mentally affected by trauma otherwise I will forfeit my right to help for life. If I get it replaced with a less stigmatised condition then it will make life easier. And for those of you who will be piping up saying that is manipulation. No it isn’t, I’m merely adapting to survive in a system that tried to destroy me and manipulated me growing up…

2 responses to “Woken up in a mood today.”

  1. I know this blog is really important to you and people beyond Leicestershire do read this – i would hate to curtail any spontaneity but you would improve things if you proof read things before posting and more than anything try and vary the wording – force yourself to use a thesaurus every time you write ‘literally’… it takes practice but it is worth it

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