I’m now having to go against who I am.

Those that know me will get how difficult these guidelines I’ve made for myself is going to be to actually do. I know I’m always the person who doesn’t like fake. However, I realise that this is what I have got to do in order to increase follower numbers etc. I literally have to go against my autistic traits too. I’m no longer able to hyper focus on stuff that has gone wrong because I won’t get anything done. I didn’t see daylight again today. I saw it from the window but when I actually got out it was dark. The place is still an absolute mess. I put the vacuum over and fed the cats before I went out to get a few bits and do my walk. I have to take the car with me when walking at the moment because my knee can only handle so much movement. I can feel it healing so I don’t want to push it too much. Anyway, now I’m switching my media trained self on. I will still post certain things but if I am asked a question about anything I am sticking to a certain script and there are certain things I simply won’t answer. I hate being that way but I will never get to influencer level if I don’t put this in place. I know that means I cannot challenge people in regard to my past and gossip but sometimes that’s a good thing. I have a way of saying too much. I can’t ruin my reputation while I’m trying to build it by getting into an argument about details. I just want to make this clear. I am not my past. I’m not even the same person I was a year ago. I worked hard to push myself off antidepressants. I will always have my autism but I do not have the same personality. I got rid of the BPD side of me. I pushed my mind to its limits to do that. I think I may have actually broken it due to the memory loss I’ve experienced lately. That kind of shows I’m not like I used to be. If it can’t remember every day stuff then how can it be set into my previous personality? It’s not going to remember that either. I read things that I wrote a year ago before breaking free of antidepressants and I don’t recognise it. I would never write it the same way nowadays. I wouldn’t recommend what I did because I don’t think you’re supposed to lose your memory etc. I always had a crap short term memory but I think that is autism. I also may have said stuff on here that has got tongues wagging but how do you know I wasn’t just feeding you stuff? As I said previously, you’ll never know me, most of my thoughts or whom I may have a crush on etc. I will feed my audience bullshit sometimes to make them think that they know gossip etc.

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