I got up for a bit.

I didn’t get a lot done but at least I got up for a while. I sent the things for family in the new year so they’re on their way now. Mine are new year cards because I didn’t send out Christmas cards. Everyone else seems to have gained weight over the Christmas period but I lost another pound. I did the same last Christmas but I lost two pounds then. I was a stone heavier at that point. The mess around here is getting ridiculous and it’s not getting sorted because I can’t sleep, either can’t stay awake or too tired when I am awake. I vacuum every day nearly but due to the cats there’s litter everywhere on a daily basis. I feel like I’m living in a shit hole. I should also get rid of my clothes and shoes with holes in because they apparently mess up your energy which gives bad luck (although I never had holes in stuff when I lost my son to adoption). I’ve always been messy which apparently attracts bad energies which impact on our lives. I bought new shoes but now I can’t wear them because the nail sprung through the side of the sole the shoe. I haven’t seen daylight enough recently. I am now beyond pale, I have translucent skin around my eyes where I can literally see the blueness of my veins. I really need to try to be up in the daytime. I can’t even see properly right now so lack of daylight is starting to show. Humans aren’t naturally nocturnal although that would be a thing that some of us might want as an adaptation to our species. It would be less stressful trying to be in a normal routine (the one that the world runs by). I’m tired but I can’t sleep yet. I know that others don’t upset me on purpose but recently they have affected me badly. People assume silence means they can’t say anything further to upset someone but that also doesn’t help either. I don’t know what I’m going to do because I think my toenail has broken off quite far down and has dug in as a separate part. I tried to dig them with my nail tools but as it split the whole thing isn’t out on one toe. I don’t know how I managed to split it. It feels slightly swollen but I can’t dig at it too much because it will go that way. If it hadn’t split down the sides when I cut them the whole thing wouldn’t have happened. That was probably my fault dramatically cutting calories trying to lose weight. I also can’t get down that far with my injured knee so I have to put my leg up at an angle which probably also caused me to cut them wrongly.

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