I can’t move because of outside influences.

I told myself that I was refusing to be affected by how outside influences are being. It just isn’t that easy despite getting an attitude of f you to everyone who doesn’t treat me how I deserve to be treated. I slept but I’m still extremely drained. I actually did have a dream for the first time in a while but I don’t really remember it. Something about empty buildings, going in and out them with other person who I don’t think I have met in life. That’s all I remember because when I woke up the details quickly disappeared from my head. I dream of buildings a lot. It’s always been one of my regular dream themes. I always dream of them mostly when I am feeling left on the outside locked out of things in my waking life. It seems that whatever I tell myself subconsciously how I have to feel right now and be toward others … the inner me starts kicking off and telling me that isn’t what I really am. I need that to stop happening or I won’t be able to get out of bed or be able to sleep at night. I can sleep during the day (to the point it makes me feel I have been knocked out) but that isn’t working for me. Others really have no idea what impact they have on me. Even if they did they wouldn’t care because that is human nature. I’m the same. It is how it is. There’s no way I can possibly get passed this mental block right now.

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