Still awake at a stupid hour…

Granted, the fact that I didn’t get up until this evening so it’s probably expected that I’m still awake. I’m waiting for my hair to dry after putting a mask on it earlier. It’s still damp after 3 hours and is still knotting up and actually dry which it shouldn’t be after the mask earlier. I did put curl activator and oil on it because it was on the dry side. The life has gone out of it. The bits around the edge of my face are broken off. I don’t want to chop it all off. There has to be a way of repairing it. I know blond kills it every time but I’ve not used bleach in a while now. The fact that it doesn’t dry for hours suggests it’s porous which isn’t a good sign when it comes to hair because it refuses to hold moisture and it doesn’t recover until new growth comes through because hair is technically dead. I keep seeing the look someone gave me in my head constantly. It is making me feel like they think I’m an awful person even though they told me that wasn’t what it meant they just wanted to be professional relationship rather than personal. I’m autistic but even I know that face means someone is so disgusted at you that they want to blank you. I can’t ask them because they weren’t very responsive when I tried. I don’t want others to dislike me. I don’t want them to look at me and think ‘hell no’. I’ve been nice but it’s hurt me and I’m trying not to be honest about that to their face or via email … anything that is directly towards them. They can’t like me whatsoever after the look that I was given. I wanted a friend and all I seem to get is rejection.