The last few weeks have been a bit blurred.

I just realised that I have a few Christmas cards from family and it’s too late to send them back to get there for Christmas. I will send something back for new year. I haven’t really been myself recently so didn’t realise the dates were creeping along and I was running out of time. I do normally send a card and present to those I have received cards from this week in plenty of time. I haven’t slept right much recently so all the days have rolled into one. I forgot really important things too which could have potentially got me into legal issues. The things I’ve forgotten aren’t stuff I’ve ever forgotten previously. The effects of reducing calories to lose weight and lack of sleep has been brutal on my mind probably. I also feel so far away from this world right now. It’s like constantly being stoned but I know for a fact that most of the time I’m completely sober and not on drugs. The cbd gummies don’t do that and anyway it’s been this way since about September but got more intense. I don’t know what is going on. Things just feel… off. I’ve heard others say that who can also naturally feel stuff. Others are saying it seems like a rather intense energy out there. It’s not like that for me. I feel far away from everything but I might be more spiritually attuned/awakened than others involved with the same things because I had the connection from childhood when I was very young. It’s quite peaceful, it doesn’t feel scary to me at all. I’m mentally far away from a world full of awful things happening and evil people doing those things. That is why I’ve always believed that this planet is actually hell. I had this theory for as long as I remember (I was even a child who thought deeply and I just knew things). We are sent here as some kind of spiritual payback for stuff we did in previous lifetimes. We will meet exactly the same souls and won’t actually recognise each other but sometimes we feel the familiarity. If you instantly hate or love someone there is normally a reason on a deeper level that you don’t remember from the physical but your soul does. We don’t remember anything from before this life for a reason. We must be evolving though because there are children being born who can actually recall details of their past lives even down to their names and where they lived etc. These were kids that were too young to be able to even read or understand what they’re saying. The various accounts were looked up by their parents and those people actually existed. Unfortunately, I wasn’t one of those kids but I’ve always had a feeling that I passed away quite young in my previous life as I saw a car crash in my head (the car looked like those from the late 70s/early 80s). I was the female passenger and there was a guy driving (he was a very angry aggressive man) and a girl sat in the back of the car. We went into a lane of oncoming traffic. Then I was standing looking at the crash from the side of the road. If I was a mother and left my daughter behind in a previous life then maybe that amplified the emotional pain when I lost Jonny to adoption in this lifetime. Also, it’s said that it’s most common to incarnate back into the same family line. It is rare not to do so. The kids that were able to recall their past lives from day one also didn’t go back into the same family line. I’ve never felt settled. I’m beginning to wonder whether there are souls that just wander through time never really attached to anything and they just get placed anywhere. Also, the whole repeated number thing has been happening more and more, building up to multiple times throughout the day yesterday.

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