I’m ‘fine’.

I am struggling but it’s nothing I’m not used to… literally this is my normal. I’m used to this swollen knee thing. This happened to me for years with the other leg until it finally decided to heal. I’m used to not sleeping properly and things just going wrong randomly on me. I know that no one is really going to give a shit because we are all knee deep in different stuff from our lives. I’m thankful for what I do have in life. It hurts like hell to walk with this knee sometimes but at least I can still walk. I have known people who have passed away quite young. I’m still alive. People have a lot more severe mental illness or autism than me. There are people with a lot more than me but not everyone is supposed to live the same sort of life. I don’t and never have seen myself ever getting married. I’m too strong minded, even if it happened it wouldn’t last long. The only time things last is when I keep my mouth shut and obey. I can’t do that for long. I’m highly doubtful that things are going to change between me and others in the new year. I’m nothing to no one and never will be. That is my existence.