I should’ve not read the tarot cards because now I have no hope.

The tarot card’s basically confirmed that I’ve well and truly messed the friendship I wanted up. Why can’t life just give me what I want for once? I try hard enough! It’s like every time I get to know someone I like as a friend, the people I chose not the ones that chose me as a friend, I end up rejected? I just shouldn’t even try. It’s like I’m not meant to have anything in life. I just can’t fit when I need to fit. I stand out without trying, in a bad way. I can’t even stop that from happening. How can I also be overlooked at the same time? You’re normally overlooked when you don’t stand out. The whole of my existence makes no sense at all. I don’t want this life. I would rather have a life full of holidays and being surrounded by people. I’m completely living the opposite circumstance which doesn’t make me happy. I don’t want others to judge me on a life that makes me so unhappy. If I met others that I could do all the things above it would help… however, the cards confirm that no one seems to like or want me. I’m not that bad once people know me properly. I’m very annoying at the beginning of things but people who have known me for years just see me as the furniture, basically I exist but I barely communicate unlike at the beginning of friendships. I’m excitable… that doesn’t happen once you’ve known someone for years. I’m just like whatever you’re no longer new to me anymore… bored etc. I don’t deserve the judgement that the cards are saying I have from others. I was NEVER a bad mother. That is something that upsets me because I know how I lost my son. I tell the honest truth of everything but still get assumed that I was a bad mother because he was taken from me. I don’t have a purpose because no one has ever allowed me to have one. They were always so quick to take my opportunities away because I’m autistic and suspected BPD which is a mixture hard for others to understand. There was other stuff but those things that came up pissed me off the most.