Can’t sleep because… people.

I had something to eat earlier but still awake. That is due to people. Silence is worse than having it out with someone. You literally start making up a narrative in your head which involves multiple scenarios that makes me feel like an evil person. If I want blog readers I can’t do this because it will drive them away. The other person is probably actively avoiding the blog now. I shouldn’t try so hard because when I do … I screw it up. If I act cool and like I don’t care it normally is more successful for me. Also, I’m aware that by me diverting away from the narrative that is already out there (the ones we have been taught are ‘normal’ and ‘acceptable’ views) that is going to make people not like me. I do want to be liked but that isn’t the objective here. There are some views that will make certain readers uncomfortable but those views need to be voiced if the system as we know it now (unfit for purpose in many cases) is going to stand a chance of changing. There is one major held view throughout the system. Adopters are good people who are living angels etc. I’m not saying that in some cases that isn’t true because there are some adopters who do it for the right reasons and they take genuine children (many are older) that have been orphaned by circumstances etc rather than babies and very young children taken via the child protection system from disabled birth parents. Those that probably took my son are not the first type of adopters listed above. The ones that took my son via the system didn’t have any concern about ruining another persons life, literally taking the closest person to me in the entire world, stealing my future, all so that they could have a ready made family. I wanted my son more than anything else in the world. Therefore, they took my world. They have absolutely not respect for the women who gave birth to their legal child (me). They have shown their lack of respect for me by never writing back when I reached out to them and was decent / accepting of the situation when he was about 3 or 4. I’m going to put my email here tonight … there’s no need to go through the post room, those are my direct contact details. I will only enter into conversations regarding my son if they can send me his adoption and birth certificate to prove I’m not just speaking to a random person. I’m giving them a chance to reach out to me directly and prove that they have respect for me because if it hadn’t been for me they couldn’t have had their family… well, they probably would’ve stole someone else’s child legally. I don’t have any hate for these people specifically… I’m just being blunt and to the point so everyone knows each others narratives here. I speak the truth with pure honest feelings even if they aren’t liked by everyone. I’m sure that people would prefer that rather than being completely fake. I have a right to feel the way that I do. In my eyes I had my future stolen so someone else could have the family I always wanted. I make absolutely no apologies for how I truly feel because I don’t want to repress how I truly feel in relation to that part of my life.

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