I am feeling sad.

I know it’s kind of obvious but I am sad. I’m worried that others will never want anything to do with me again because of recent stuff that has occurred. Silence is causing me sleep issues because I feel like I’ve done something absolutely terrible. Well, I did try but then came to my senses and decided not to try to destroy their business prospects. The karma thing still isn’t laying off of me. I’ve apologised and undone everything I said to others… I literally can’t reverse it anymore. This time of the year is already hard for me because it’s all about families and mine was taken from me. The life I should have had is being enjoyed by Jonny’s adopters and it isn’t right. The system expects you to accept it, forgive and forget. I simply can’t do that. I see them taking my son as stealing my life from me. Things wouldn’t be the way that they are today if they hadn’t took him. I wanted a family so badly. The cats are like my children but it’s not the same. I probably wouldn’t have had the cats if I had kept my son. They only ended up with me by chance as someone was moving and having to get rid of them because landlord wouldn’t let them in their new home. I’m not sure if fate dealt them a good or bad hand. They get free range of the house and only get told off for doing things like scratching the walls and my furniture. They probably aren’t going to like it when I up sticks and move after I’ve got enough money together. This is the only home they’ve known. I’m sure they’ll settle down quite quickly once all their stuff is around the place. I have to move so that I’m no longer sad. I can’t live in a place where there are too many bad memories. I never wanted to come back. That was forced and I’m no longer putting others before my own. The needs I have is to leave this area and that is my long term goal.

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